Sugar Rush
by Hollyquin
Summary: The Wammy boys take their desserts really, really seriously. Very mild Mello/Matt. Part 4: And now it's time for the final decision! But will it really be that simple...?
1. Introduction

[[Mello: Wait, you're actually gonna write about us?  
Holly: Yep.

Near: I'm scared.

Matt: Me too. Hold me, Mello. ;w;

Holly: It's not gonna be that bad! You guys have no faith in me.

Mello: This is true.

Holly: Anyway. This came to me in a dream, literally. And...it's so adorable that I had to write it. XD This takes place back when the Wammy boys were kids. Annnnddd...have fun, as always! ^_^ This is only the introduction- I'll have a proper chapter up soon enough.]]

* * *

--Watari's POV--

Welcome to Wammy's House. Watch your step.

You'll see boys everywhere around here. They're all very individualistic, very intelligent...would you _watch where you're going_, Mello? Sorry about that. Mello is a...very rambunctious boy, you might say. It's a good thing we have Matt here to calm him down.

Anyway, you wanted the tour, correct? There's not all that much to see. Oh, no, there's nothing in there. Who's that, you ask? That's Near. You're better off not going in there. You might step on a toy car by mistake. That's when bad things start happening.

And here is L...our pride and joy. Say hello, L! No, no, don't be shy, say hello to the nice lady...Oh, you're still sulking about that? You're going to have to get over it eventually...fine, fine. We'll leave you alone. Come, come this way, I'll show you to my office...

Oh, you want to know what's wrong? Well, this may sound strange, but...

These boys had a baking contest the other day.

Yes, a baking contest.

They take their desserts very seriously, these boys...

Wait, where are you going? Don't you want to hear the story?

What do you mean, _neurotic_? They aren't neurotic, they're just a little...quirky.

And they really love sugar.

Oh, come on, now, they're just _kids..._

Well, isn't it said that geniuses are a tad bit stranger than your average person? These kids are _very_ passionate about their baking. Why do you think poor L is so upset? He was so sure he was going to win. To be honest, I was certain that he was too, though I try not to show favoritism...

It is a good story, I assure you.

You would like to hear it?

Good.

It all began about a week ago...

And like so many things in Wammy's House, it began with Mello stepping on Near's toy car.

Like I told you. Don't touch the cars.

* * *

Holly: Yes, L doesn't win the contest. Now you know.

L: BUT I AM SO THE BEST BAKER!

Mello: Psh. Obviously I win.

Matt: What about me? _

Near: ...Tell Mello to stop stepping on my cars. :[

Holly: R&R! I promise to have a real chapter up in the next week or so. ^_^


	2. Part 1: It Begins

Near: MELLO STEPPED ON MY CAR! ...AGAIN!  
Mello: Why does he always think it's me?  
Holly: It always is you.  
Mello: Oh. Right.  
Near: WAHHHHHHHH!  
Holly: This is exactly how this story starts, actually.  
L: How suspiciously convenient.  
Holly: Go away, L.  
L: Righto.  
Holly: Anyway. The first real chapter of my first Death Note fic! How exciting.  
Matt: Yay.  
Holly: Your sarcasm is not wanted here.  
Mello: Your sarcasm is wanted over here with me. :]  
Matt: :3  
Holly: ANYWAY. So it begins!

Note: Watari's telling the story. So, any little personal notes (mostly in parenthesis...like this) are from him.

* * *

"MELLO!"

The piercing, high-pitched squeak of a word, echoing throughout the building, was practically a daily (or at least weekly) occurrence in Wammy's House. Matt, whose face was buried in his Nintendo DS, barely registered it. L, who was mixing cake batter, just rolled his eyes. But Mello himself didn't have an excuse. He turned, with a flourish, to face the boy who had screamed- the white-haired, pasty, yet strangely adorable recluse called Near.

"You _stepped_ on my _car_."

"You have, like...a million of them. Seriously, Near. Chill out."

"But that's my favorite!"

"They're _all_ your favorite!"

(To be honest...They really _are_ all his favorite. Thus why this happens on a daily basis...)

Near looked close to tears, his lower lip wobbly. Mello rolled his eyes dramatically. Most of the rest of Wammy's House at least felt bad for the poor boy. Mello knew better. Near had kicked him up, down, and backwards on every test, race, and game they had ever done together, and Mello, his inferiority complex clearly showing, had no trouble kicking the boy when he was down.

"This car is _pink_, Near."

"It's my favorite!"

"It's pink!"

Near gave Mello the puppy dog eyes. Mello remained unfazed.

"Oh well, whatever. Mine now."

"WHAT?!"

With a sick grin, Mello bent over and picked the poor, crushed, pink car off the floor. Not that there was much to pick up. The thing was in pieces.

"I can fix it! Give it back, Mello! Pleeease?"

"You can fix _this?_"

He showed Near the handful of scrap metal.

"Um..."

"That's what I thought. Peace out, kid!"

He left the room, slamming the door behind him, leaving a bawling Near behind. Mello is a very...inventive boy, you might say, and it was clear from his expression that he was thinking of a way to use and abuse the situation to his advantage.

(Or, at least, to wreak havoc.)

He passed by Matt, who was sitting obstructively in the middle of the hallway, violently stabbing at his DS with his bright yellow, Pikachu-tipped stylus.

"OBJECTION! ...TAKE THAT! Yeah, take that, Edgey..."

"Um...Matt?"

"QUIET! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A VERY IMPORTANT CASE."

"...Oookay then."

"Oh! Mello, it's you. Sorry about that, eheheh...Hey, can do you me a favor? Get L for me."

"Why?"

"Because he's better than me at all this police investigation junk!"

And then, Mello got an idea.

An awful idea.

Mello got a wonderful, awful idea.

He walked past, leaving Matt to writhe on the floor, making his way towards his target. He knew where he would be, and what he would be doing. And he knew how he was going to absolutely _ruin_ L's day.

There he was, standing in the kitchen, lazily stirring his batter, as he tended to do. All L ever seemed to do was make cakes. Make cakes and help in police investigations. He was a very odd child. Not that that's unusual in Wammy's House.

Mello walked up to him, all innocent, the handful of car bits shoved in his pocket. L was unimpressed.

"Yeah, Mello? You really should stop stepping on Near's cars. For the sake of our ears."

Mello conveniently ignored his point.

"Yeah, um, L, Matt needs you, apparently."

L's eyes narrowed. He didn't trust Mello in the least.

(Not trusting Mello is generally considered a good way to stay healthy.)

"Why...?"

"Matt needs you help. He says it's for a police investigation or something..."

L brightened immediately and visibly.

"Police investigation?! Why didn't you say so? Where is he?!"

"Um…out in the hall?"

L started walking, humming cheerfully to himself. Mello shouted after him as he left.

"Wait! Do you mind if I get this cake in the oven for you?"

"No, no, do what you want. I have a case to solve!"

(L loves having a reason to use that humongous brain of his. To the point where it can be…vaguely disturbing, actually.)

He went off after Matt, practically _skipping_ as he went. Mello turned his attention to the yellow cake batter lying ever-so-innocently on the table top before him. So ready to become a delicious cake (with strawberries…lots of strawberries). Or, if Mello had his way, so ready to become a cruel and unusual practical joke.

He unloaded the bits of pink metal into the batter, giggling maniacally (and highly unnecessarily) as he did so. No stranger to cake-baking himself, he poured the whole thing into a circular pan and stuck it in the oven. No sooner had he done so that L came back, looking extremely disappointed, with an abashed Matt in tow.

"Matt, you need to stop _wasting my time_ with that freaking _game_!"

"You say 'game' like games aren't important…"

"They're not!"

Matt looked as though he'd seen the face of Satan.

"That is _sacrilege. _SACRILEGE!"

Mello, seeing his opportunity, made for the door.

"Uh…yeah, so, your cake is in the oven, L. See you guys later!"

"WAIT! I'm coming with you. _This_ one…"

Matt glared at L.

"I refuse to remain in the presence of a non-believer any longer! Wait, where are you going? Mello? MELLO!"

Matt ran after Mello, who had escaped at some point during the previous sentence. He caught up to him easily- Mello didn't _really_ want to escape from Matt, after all- and they both sat in the hallway, by the wall, this time. Matt continued scratching away at his game, a newly-unwrapped lollipop threatening to fall from his mouth. Mello could not stop grinning.

"What're you so happy about?"

"You'll see."

That was it for their conversation for a good half hour. Matt continued playing, occasionally screaming "OBJECTION!" at his DS, and Mello kept grinning, occasionally taking a violent bite out of an ever-present chocolate bar that had been stuffed in his pocket. Eventually, though, he hit the jackpot.

"AUGH!"

The shout came from the kitchen- not a shriek, which ruled out Near's involvement. Also ruling out his involvement was the fact that he, very unusually, exited his room, looking balefully at Mello for a moment before looking down the hall, towards the disturbance, his expression quickly turning to a more customary blank look.

"What happened?"

"I dunno, but we should go find out."

With that, Mello jumped up, unable to contain his excitement, really, as he went towards the kitchen. Matt followed behind him, bumping into doors as they went down the corridor, as he refused to look up from his game. Near tagged along, small and unassuming by comparison.

They burst into the kitchen to find a fuming L, holding a tissue full of chewed up cake, frosting…and pink car parts.

Mello burst into giggles.

"What did I do to _you_, Mello? My cake is ruined! And we're all out of flour to make more! Ugh, _Mello_! Why do you always have to mess things up?!"

"Because I was bored, because I had a handful of scrap metal, and because your cake isn't that good anyway."

He tossed the last remark off casually. It was a bad move.

"…_What_ did you just say about my cake?"

"It's not that good. Vanilla and yellow cake and strawberries? Boring. You know my cakes are better."

"WHAT?! Chocolate cake is terrible! Way too sweet, way overblown…vanilla cake is _delicious_. Perfect, even."

"You're crazy. Chocolate rules."

"Vanilla."

"Chocolate."

"Vanilla."

"CHOCOLATE!"

"VANILLA!"

"Strawberry…?"

The suggestion came from a meek Near, standing behind the other two, who whirled around to face him. He immediately and almost visibly shrunk, sticking his thumb in his mouth. They whirled back to face each other.

"How're we gonna settle this?"

"Well, first of all, I need to get Watari to get more flour. Then…I'll bake a cake. And you'll bake a cake. And we'll see who's better, once and for all."

"Psh. You're gonna regret this."

"Are not."

"Are too!"

They shook hands after a couple of minutes of childish banter.

"What about me…?"

They turned around to see Near, looking at him as though they forgot he was there, despite him having spoke only a few seconds previously. He looked almost embarrassed.

"I wanna bake, too…"

Mello rolled his eyes, and looked at L, who shrugged, than nodded.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Hey, Matt, you want to join in?"

"Nah, man, I don't cook, I just eat. I'll just help you out. Chocolate's totally the best."

L almost complained, but changed his mind at the last second.

"You'll need all the help you can get, Mello. Okay, let's get Watari. We'll need him to get flour…and to judge."

L, Mello, and Matt left, almost congenial for once in their young lives. Only Near remained behind. He waited for the other three to be out of earshot.

Then he laughed.

Maniacally.

"Those three aren't gonna know what hit them!"

* * *

Matt: YEAH! PHOENIX WRIGHT! W00T!  
Mello: Your priorities are not at all in order.  
L: Poor, murdered cake.  
Holly: R&R or I'll force feed Mello vanilla cake.  
Mello: Ew.


	3. Part 2: Piece Of Cake

[[Holly: I'm finally taking a break from my TWEWY Owner's Guides to actually update one of my stories! :D

Near: YAY!

Matt&Mello&L: We don't care.

Near: :[

Holly: Now is the actual competing part of the competition.

L: The part where Mello loses. :3

Holly: Was that a spoiler?

L: No, it's just obvious.

Matt: YOU DO NOT TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT. -growls-

L: Bite me, goggle boy.

Holly: I should start the chapter before they eat each other.]]

Again, this is all being told by Watari, so anything in parenthesis (or beginning with 'I') is being said by him. Mmk?

* * *

A typical morning in Wammy's House. The sun has barely rose, the boys are barely stirring in their beds- or on their couches, if you're talking about L- and song fills the air.

Wait. Song?

"...It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake, if the way is hazy~"

It was Near's voice that filled the hall, of course- none of the other boys would be caught dead singing a song off of a little kid's TV show. Near, who couldn't possibly be teased more if he ran around in a pink dress with a toy unicorn, had no such reservations. And the singing only got louder.

"YOU GOTTA DO THE COOKING BY THE BOOK, YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T BE LAZY~!"

"What the heck, Near?!"

That was L, rubbing the sleep from his eyes in the doorway of the kitchen, in which Near was currently mixing pink batter and singing at the top of his lungs. L, who always pretty much has bedhead, had...well..._super bedhead_. His hair was sticking in directions I didn't know existed, is what I'm trying to say here.

"NEVER USE A MESSY RECIPE-"

"NEAR!"

"Wha-?"

Near turned around, looking shocked that anyone else would dare interrupt his happy-fun-cake-time. He waved a spoon, dripping bright pink batter, at L.

"L! You are interrupting my happy-fun-cake-time!"

(What did I say? Exactly.)

"Near...It's, what, six in the morning? Not that I was sleeping, but...are you so unsure of yourself that you think you have to start this early to beat us?"

Near giggled. Which was strangely disconcerting.

"I could kick your butts with my hands tied behind my back. I just like having the whole kitchen to myself."

"Why?"

Here, Near pouted.

"Because otherwise Mello would make fun of me. For having pink batter. And for singing."

"Dude, you're singing LazyTown. Of course he'd make fun of you. _I'm_ making fun of you. Mentally."

"...So how do you know it's from LazyTown?"

"...That's not the point. Anyway. Could you maybe...stop singing? It's kinda...loud."

"I'll sing less loudly, if that makes you happy. I've gotta sing, though. It makes the cake taste better!"

L just looked at him. For a long, long moment. Then he shook his head and turned to leave.

"I swear to god, Near, if I hear you again, I am going to _pay_ Mello to smash your cars. All of them."

Near's lip wobbled dangerously as L walked away. Once he was gone, though, Near turned happily to his cake. Strawberry cake- absurdly delicious and made from _actual strawberries_, as he insisted on telling everyone who tasted it repeatedly, as though they actually cared. He'd made them before (as I thought I made obvious by my last comment), and they were quite well received by all. But never before had he made it in direct competition to L's "world famous vanilla cake of delicious deliciousness". That being a quote from L, naturally. Near was extremely nervous, of course, and anxious to prove himself to the other boys, but...at the same time, some part of him recognized how ridiculous this all was. Proving his superiority with cake? Who _did_ that? Him, apparently. He shook his hair out of his face. None of that mattered. He was going to be the King of All Cakes*. And no one was going to stop him. He stuck the spoon back in the batter and continued singing, quietly.

"...If you do the cooking by the book, then you'll have a cake..."

---

L came lazily loping (how's that for alliteration?) out of his room at about noon. He hadn't gone to sleep, of course. L didn't sleep, L waited. What I'm saying is, L is Chuck Norris.

Or not.

At any rate, L went to the kitchen, not to begin work on cake- why would he bother? He was obviously going to destroy everyone else- but to get his morning coffee. No milk, 48906864048 sugars, approximately. He basically drank coffee-flavored sugar for breakfast every morning. Near was gone, apparently, though L saw his cake was in the oven, timed to stop in twenty minutes or so. He'd be back. L figured he'd be best off getting some work done before Near came back and destroyed his concentration through the art of song. He got to work.

"Sugar. Eggs. Flour. Milk. Baking soda. Vegetable oil. Vanilla. Easy."

He didn't use cake mix- that was for sissies. And possibly Mello. He had his batter in front of him before anyone else would have time to blink. This is what he did, after all. L was the god of cake. This was just a fact, a title until now undisputed among the Wammy boys. They were going to pay for their impudence. L was not going to lose, ever.

He shoved his cake in the oven alongside Near's and started making his frosting. Milk, sugar, vanilla, and loads of butter. He heard the cake go off- that was Near's. Letting Near's cake burn would just be cruel of him- not to mention, then L would be winning on false pretenses- so he grabbed a pair of oven mitts and snatched the pink cake out of the oven, leaving it on the counter. The frosting done, he stuck it in the refrigerator and left for the moment. He'd be back to ice his cake later, and besides, the last thing he wanted to do was be stuck in the kitchen, alone, with Near.

_Oh god, the singing...it burns._

_---  
_

"So, Mello, what are we going to do today?"

"The same thing we do every day, Matt...try to take over the world! Of cake!"

"We don't do that every day, Mello."

"...Quiet, Matt."

"Quieting!"

Matt returned his attention to his DS, which he jabbed and slashed at with fervor. Mello rolled his eyes and returned to his computer. He was searching for a recipe- a delicious chocolate cake. After all, as Matt had said, Mello didn't make cake often. He was at a huge disadvantage compared to L. But he had determination on his side. And Matt. And chocolate.

"Uh, Matt, look, I think I found a good one. Come over here. This looks good, right?"

"I DISAGREE."

Matt hadn't moved, or taken his eyes off the DS. Mello blinked at him.

"Uh, Matt?"

"I'M A DOCTOR!"

"..."

Mello hit the print button on his computer, grinning to himself. He was sure all these ingredients were in the house, and he was sure this cake would be ten times better than L or Near's. So what if he was using a recipe off the internet? L hadn't said he couldn't. He wasn't breaking any rules, technically. Right?

"Matt, I'm gonna go work on this thing. Judging's tomorrow, and it's almost six already. Wanna come with?"

"Not now. I'm performing surgery."

"Weren't you a lawyer yesterday?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"..."

Mello headed for the kitchen, his recipe in hand. Luckily for him, all the ingredients _were_ in the house- there was an absurd amount of cocoa lying around, which Mello would actually eat _pure_, to the disgust of...normal humans. Near and L's cakes were sitting on the counter, pink and yellow, side by side. L's had been iced and looked depressingly perfect. Near's looked perfect as well, but was not yet iced. Mello stuck his tongue out at the cakes, as though Near and L could see him telepathically through the cake (_L probably can_, he thought), and returned to his work. He wasn't gonna ruin their cakes on purpose. He was gonna win, fair and square.

Mello had already finished the cake, put it in the oven, and finished mixing the icing when Matt came traipsing in.

"You done playing doctor?"

"For now. I brought chocolate chips!"

Mello couldn't help but smile at Matt's cheeriness. This whole contest clearly wasn't bothering him at all. Matt set the chocolate chips on the counter and grinned at him.

"Chocolate chips plus chocolate cake equals CHOCOLATE!"

"Yep. Pretty much."

Matt looked so happy. Mello hugged him and turned around.

And something under his foot went CRUNCH.

"MELLLOOOO!"

"What the?"

Apparently, Near had been playing with his cars in the hallway right outside the kitchen. His car had gone straight through the open door of the kitchen, and Mello's foot had just happened to fall upon it. Of course it had. Near immediately burst into tears. Mello rolled his eyes.

"You can't even blame that one on me, Near. Your fault."

"But...but...that was my favorite!"

"They're all your favorite! Ugh, Matt, let's go, I'll hear the oven when the cake is done."

"Coming!"

Mello left the room, pointedly stepping over Near, followed by Matt, who skipped around him. Near, picked up the sad metal pieces of his broken car- this one purple- got up, rubbing away the tears. The scrap metal in his hand, he headed back into the kitchen.

"Mello's not gonna win this one. No way."

---

Late that night, when the other boys were sleeping (or waiting), the light turned on in the kitchen. The three cakes sat in a row- pink iced in white, yellow iced in white, and brown iced in brown, covered in chocolate chips, sprinkled ("With love!") by Matt after the cake was complete. A figure made his way into the room, pulling ingredients from the shelves. Many more ingredients than the other boys had used- cinnamon, nutmeg, a bit of lemon juice. He took his favorite ingredient, the most important one, from the refrigerator. He grinned. Had anyone seen it, it would have been quite frightening. His equally frightening laughter rung out throughout the kitchen, where luckily no one was awake to hear it.

"Ke...ke....ke..."

* * *

*This is like the King of All Cosmos, only with cakes. Take my word for it.

Holly: The baking is done!

Mello: Woo. My cake is sexy.

Matt: You're sexy! :D

Mello: :D

L: T_T I hate both of you.

Near: We gotta have it made, you know that I love cake~!

Mello&Matt&L: SHUT UP NEAR.

Near: ;w;

Holly: Who's going to win the competition? Who is the mysterious stranger in the kitchen? What DS game will Matt be freaking out over tomorrow? Find out tomorrow with the thrilling conclusion of Sugar Rush! (Actually, there's gonna be another chapter after this one, but...the answer to those questions will be answered! Mostly.)


	4. Part 3: A Challenger Appears

[[Holly: OMG THRILLING CONCLUSION TIEM!!11!1

L: The part where I win, you mean?

Holly: I spoiled that you didn't win in the introduction, remember?

L: Oh…right.

Mello: So obviously I won.

Matt: Yep, it was Mello!

Near: What about me?

Mello&Matt&L: SHUT UP NEAR.

Near: ;w;

Holly: I'm not revealing the winner yet, you guys…

L: I thought you said it was the thrilling conclusion?

Holly: I kind of lied. Oh well.]]

Yes, again, this is being told by Watari. And he actually gets to talk in this one, so that should be a little more clear…

* * *

Judgment day was so very close at hand.

Mello woke up with a start, far earlier than he would ever be caught dead waking up (ie at 11). Matt was already awake, curled up on his bed with his DS in his hands, muttering to himself as usual. Yawning, Mello shook his hair out of his eyes and cleared his throat, causing Matt to jump, fall backwards off the bed, and drop his DS.

"NOOOO! I ALMOST KILLED PANTERA CANTUS THAT TIME!"

"Uh, sorry?"

"Apology accepted."

Having retrieved his DS from the floor, Matt made some quick button presses, presumably to save the game, and turned the system off, tossing his bed and crashing onto Mello's bed with a huge grin on his face.

"So is it L and Near butt-kicking time yet?"

"A few more hours, I think. Don't worry, I saw the chocolate chips you put on the cake."

"Awww, those were supposed to be a surprise!"

"You _showed_ them to me, Matt. I just didn't see you put them on. Thanks, though."

"Oh…yeah. Heh. You're welcome!"

Seemingly abashed, Matt scratched the back of his head and, apparently out of things to do that didn't involve video games, scrambled for his DS and turned it back on.

"What was that, a whole thirty seconds without playing? Is that a new record?"

"SHHH. PANTERA CANTUS."

Mello rolled his eyes. He reached under his pillow for that which he always kept close at hand- a giant bar of dark chocolate. He took a huge and unnecessarily violent bite out of it. Gesturing to Matt to follow him- he did, nearly walking into the door as he walked, refusing to take his eyes off the DS- Mello left the room, his eyes narrowed, looking weirdly angry, particularly next to Matt, who was somehow simultaneously playing DS and skipping. It was Mello, though, who ran smack into L. Literally.

"OW! Watch where you're go- oh."

"Hello, Mello. And Matt."

"Hiya, L!"

"Matt, stop being so nice to the enemy."

Mello's eyes narrowed further, if that was possible, and L narrowed his in response. Matt seemed entirely unfazed, as he barely looked up from his game and muttered to himself something about black planets.

"I hope you know that your chocolate disaster is about to be destroyed."

"WHAT?! WHERE? WHY?"

"I meant in competition."

"Oh. Um…no, _yours_ is!"

"Great comeback."

"Shut up!"

"No, _both_ of yours are."

The voice, sounding almost foreign to them in its confidence, belonged to Near, who was walking down the hallway towards them with an oddly disconcerting grin on his face. Mello and L exchanged glances before looking back at Near.

"Hey, uh, Near? What're you so happy about?"

"The fact that I'm going to kick your butts today. Why wouldn't I be happy?"

"Because you're going to lose. Horribly. I mean, you'll probably beat Mello, but-"

"Hey!"

The three of them broke into a loud argument. This was a common enough occurrence in Wammy's House, naturally, but it was unusual for Near to actually keep up with the others. Matt usually didn't participate in these screaming matches, naturally- he was level headed by nature and preferred to not argue. Of course, L was level headed usually, too, but Mello had a tendency to put him over the edge. The argument devolved soon enough into a simple and obvious back and forth.

"Vanilla!"

"Chocolate!"

"Strawberry!"

"Vanilla!"

"Chocolate!"

"Strawberry!"

Matt curled up on the floor, sitting the way L usually did, alternating between stabbing his DS screen with the stylus and chewing on it. Eventually, the argument was broken up- by me.

"You kids still arguing over the cake contest?"

"Yes, Watari."

"Well, are all your cakes done?"

"Uh huh."

"Yes."

"Yeah!"

"Okay then. I will proceed with the judging, then, if it will stop all this racket. Honestly, I can hear you boys from the other side of the house…"

I walked towards the kitchen, the three competing boys walking like obedient little ducklings in a row behind me, the last boy, realizing a little late that the rest of us had left, dashing after us. It was time to eat some cake.

I must admit, I knew what I was getting myself into.

* * *

"Mine first! Mine!"

"No, mine!"

"You have to try mine first, Watari. Their ridiculous cakes will overpower the deliciousness of mine."

"That's an argument, at least. L's first, then."

"Awww…"

I started cutting myself a slice of L's cake. The five of us crowded the kitchen, huddling around the table where the three cakes sat, all looking pretty and perfect. Matt, only vaguely interested, leaned against the table, face in his DS. L looked as though his excitement was only barely contained, and Mello's wasn't contained at all. Near, on the other hand, looked dead calm. It was…frightening. The piece of cake was cut, and I loaded it onto a plate and took a tiny bite.

"This is…quite good."

L's eyes were glowing as I dug into the cake. It _was_ quite good; I would be lying if I said otherwise. Of course, I'd had L's cake many times before, and he never really changed the recipe. It was tasty but boring. I hadn't expected anything else, though- I'd be considering his cake the baseline. Perhaps one of the other boys would do better.

"Next, I will try…Near's."

Near grinned, which, combined with his calm demeanor, was kind of off-putting, in a strange way. I cut a slice into the pink cake. Mello looked irritated and impatient- as usual- but I knew that a chocolate cake would overpower any other flavors, and so I should save it for last. I took a bite.

"Oh…Near, this is…very good…"

I tried to restrain myself from saying anything further, but I couldn't help but smile. It was an unusual flavor for a cake, strawberry, but it was something different, and it was truly very good. Just as good as L's certainly, possibly even better. But unlike L's, it was something new. Something different. And that was worth some points. L and Mello's eyes shot daggers at Near, who simply beamed.

"One more, then?"

My stomach was sort of hurting at this point, but even so, I reached over to grab a piece of the chocolate cake. Mello grinned ridiculously widely, and evilly, and Matt looked up from his game for a moment to watch the proceedings. I, myself, was particularly fond of chocolate cake, but I hoped not to bias this one in Mello's favor. I took a bite.

"Ah, this is…"

It was pretty good. Rich, creamy, and very very chocolatey. There was an odd crunch to it that I couldn't identify, though; a very unpleasant crunch, with a weird, metallic taste to it. Blinking, I reached for a napkin and spat the cake into it. I couldn't help but look, even as L and Near burst into hysterical laughter. I recognized the pieces that littered the inside of the cake. They were purple.

"Car parts…?"

Near's laughter was renewed, echoing throughout the kitchen, and L's laughter matched it. Mello turned bright red, not from embarrassment, but from anger. Matt was upset enough to be roused to stand, his expression almost a pout.

"That's not cool, you guys! Who messed up Melly's cake?"

"…Matt, I don't think we can prove that either of these two did it. It could have been either one, or it could have been someone else. We don't know. All I can do is judge the cakes as they are, though unfortunately I'm not sure I can judge Mello's cake, as that was quite…unpleasant."

Mello looked like he was about to punch someone in the face. Near and L just kept on laughing.

"Well, would you like me to give the verdict now, then?"

They both shut up, instantly.

"I'll take that as a yes. Now, the best cake belongs to…"

"…Wait."

A voice came from the door. The fifth boy walked in, his shaggy dark hair hanging around his eyes. Had L not been in the room already, I might have thought it was L, but the subtle differences gave it away- slightly darker skin, slightly lighter hair, and, most notably a gleam to his eyes that gave him a frightening quality that L never possessed. And he was holding an odd looking cake in his hands. The other boys could only stare at him, open-mouthed.

Beyond Birthday just grinned, wickedly.

"…Jam cake? Ke…ke…ke…"

* * *

Holly: O HAI PREDICTABLE PLOT TWIST.

Mello: Can I murder Near?

L: That was pretty funny, actually.

Mello: I'm serious.

Matt: OMG, HANEKOMA WAS THE FALLEN ANGEL?!

Mello: Help me kill Near?

Matt: K.

Near: ;w;

Holly: R&R. You probably know what's coming, but even so, the epilogue remains!


	5. Part 4: And The Winner Is

[[Holly: OH SNAP IT'S A FINAL CHAPTER.

Mello: Wait, you're alive?

Near: WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!

L: No we weren't.

Holly: I love you too, guys.

Matt: I CAUGHT A SHINY PIDGEY!

Holly: …Do any of you even care who won anymore?

Near: I DO!

Mello&Matt&L: SHUT UP NEAR.

Near: ;w;

Holly: -sigh- Okay, this is really it, you guys. Last chapter. It's predictable, but…hey. Shush.]]

Still Watari's POV, by the way.

* * *

It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Or rather, to hear a DS drop, as that's what actually happened- Matt's DS fell, in dramatic slow motion, out of his hand. It hit the floor with an astonishingly loud crack. It was a testament to the gravity of the situation that he didn't instantly burst into tears. And still, everyone remained silent.

I counted silently. 5…4…3…2…

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

It was Mello who reacted first, predictably, flailing his arms like he'd decided now was a good time to do the Paffendorf. Near followed suit, partially because he was freaking out over the situation and partially because he'd never give up an opportunity to do the Paffendorf. L decided not to surrender his dignity to memes and simply stared. Matt, realizing now that his DS was on the floor, chose now as the best time to burst into tears.

"But…like…you…and…cake…jam…WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"Ke…ke…a thespian, you are…?"

Beyond Birthday laughed a creepy, halting laugh. Mello stopped Paffendorfing and started strangling the air. Near continued Paffendorfing because hey, why not?

"Ahem. Now, Mello, is there any real reason why BB can't participate in this contest…?"

I looked at Mello seriously. He was silent, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. The only sound was that of Matt, continuing to sob over his martyred DS. ("NOOOOOO! IF I DON'T WORK OFF MY DEBT TOM NOOK WILL SEND HIS RACOON MAFIA AFTER ME!") Near's Paffendorfing had subsided, and he was now pouting instead, which was effective on approximately no one ever. Only L was entirely calm, and he seemed to be examining BB's cake. L was about to respond to my query when Mello made a sudden recovery, quickly enough to speak first.

"This was just between me and L! And then Near had to butt in because…because he's Near!"

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"SHUT UP, NEAR."

"Wahh…"

I waited for everyone (except Matt, who was clearly inconsolable) to quiet before I spoke.

"I understand, but…what's the harm in trying BB's cake? He obviously worked hard on it, and after all, would any of you be satisfied with calling yourselves the winner when there's someone who might be better than you?"

"I agree with Watari."

I wasn't surprised when L spoke up. I could tell by the way he'd been eyeing BB's cake that his competitive nature was getting the better of him.

"Even if Watari picked a winner now, BB's cake could still be better, and then none of us would really be the best, right? I know I'm confident that my cake is better than his…"

L had a smug look on his face as Mello exploded.

"Of course! I know my cake is the best! No way chocolate cake could lose to…what, cake made of JAM?! That's not even a thing, is it? Go ahead, judge him! It doesn't matter because he's not gonna win!"

"Mello, in case you forgot, your cake was at least 10% broken purple car parts."

"Rrrgh…shut up, Near!"

I cut a piece of BB's cake as everyone ignored Near's meek statement of agreement. The cake was…interesting looking to say the least. It wasn't a surprising choice, given BB's favorite thing in the world, but it was VERY different from the other three cakes, and not unpleasantly so. It was clear that BB made this kind of cake a lot, and was very good at it. The other four boys (excepting Matt, who at this point was curled in a ball, wailing, basically ignored except for Mello, who was patting his head) stared at me eagerly, trying to read my reaction to the cake. I kept a poker face on.

"Well…unless we have any other mystery competitors, I do believe I'm ready to give my verdict."

I looked around, half expecting K to crawl out of the woodwork with a cake made entirely of whipped cream, or something. But no one else appeared- it was me and the five boys, four of whom waited quietly for the verdict.

"...I don't think I can choose. It's a tie! You're all winners!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I HAD A GOLDEN STATUE AND EVERYTHING! WHY ME?! WHY NOW!?"

I looked back and forth between the four blank faces (that somehow seemed to hide murderous rage) and the one distraught one.

"I'm kidding, okay? Kidding. Could you imagine?"

Three of the four faces were suddenly relieved. BB's face continued to be blank and full of murderous rage, mainly because that was what BB's face usually looked like.

"Well…the best cake belonged to Near."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

That was Mello again, though this time the exclamation was of pure rage rather than surprise, and his strangling of the air threatened to quickly turn into actual strangling of Near. Matt started crying louder, as now there were _two _things to cry about. Near beamed, and then grimaced, presumably because Mello was strangling him, and L watched the proceedings with a detached eye. I sighed, loudly enough to be heard over the din.

"I wasn't finished."

Everything froze, in quite the comedic fashion- Mello's hands around Near's neck, Matt sobbing and clutching his DS to his chest- everyone turned to stare at me, though BB had been looking at me all along and, to his credit, hadn't changed expression. Though admittedly I wasn't sure I'd ever _seen_ BB change expression.

"Near's cake was the best, yes…but Near is disqualified for ruining Mello's cake."

"But…but…"

Near wobbled in a fashion that would have been completely adorable if I hadn't been immune to it. Mello released Near and laughed a laugh that could only be described as 'maniacal', Matt cheered up instantly, and even L couldn't help but grin.

"But you can't prove that it was me…! You said so yourself!

"Yes, but how did you know the car parts were purple?"

"Wha…?"

"You said yourself just a few minutes ago- the car parts were purple. There's no way you saw them- when I spat them out, you were too busy laughing hysterically to see anything. And besides…wasn't the car Mello broke yesterday purple?"

Near looked like he was about to cry. So did Mello, for entirely different reasons.

"Um…yeah…it was me. I'm sorry…"

"Apology not accepted!"

"Wahhh…"

"Go go Watari with his lawyer skills!"

Matt grinned as he cheered, then sobered up suddenly, as talking about lawyers clearly reminded him of his dear departed DS. I cleared my throat.

"Well. Since Near is disqualified…the real winner is BB."

BB almost smiled. Almost. He came as close as BB ever comes to smiling, anyway. Mello and L stared at me, then at each other, then back at me, while Near sobbed quietly in a corner.

"But…"

"But…"

Even Matt looked up, silent and wide-eyed, from his DS. I sighed, looking back and forth between all of them.

"Look. This contest wasn't exactly perfect, you know. Near cheated, Mello's cake was full of plastic, and to be honest, L, I've eaten so much of your cake over the years that I'm getting kind of sick of it. I'm not an impartial judge when it comes to L's cake and I didn't really get to taste Mello's. So at the end of the day, this contest is inconclusive. Nothing's been proven. Except that BB makes a really exceptional jam cake."

"Thank you. Ke…ke…ke…"

Mello and L looked at each other.

"So that entire contest…was for nothing? All because Near ruined my cake?"

"And all because…Watari's eaten too much of mine?"

"And all because…I put the car parts in Mello's cake? …Because he was a meanie and ruined my favorite car?"

"Shut up, Near."

"Wahhh…."

It was dead quiet in the room as everyone worked to take all of this in. After a few moments pause, it was Matt, finally, who stood up and spoke.

"Well…I dunno about everyone else, but all this talk about cake is making me hungry. The jam cake looks good, BB. Can I have some?"

"Ke…ke…certainly…"

BB started cutting Matt a piece of the cake. Everyone looked at him like he was insane. They looked at Matt like he was insane, that is- they _always_ looked at BB like he was insane. Since he likely was.

"Matt…you don't care that this contest was pointless?"

"What does it matter? It was fun. Anyway, there's cake! So let's eat! It's all over anyway, so why worry?"

Mello blinked, and then smiled. L followed suit. Even Near, still sulking, cheered up a little.

"Well…alright. I've gotta see how horrible vanilla cake is for myself."

"I'm gonna have to stay away from the car parts, but I could try this strawberry stuff…"

"Um, maybe if I only try the frosting on Mello's cake, I won't be eating the car?"

I smiled. If only most arguments in the Wammy House ended up this way, perhaps life would be a bit easier on us all. It was always Matt who seemed to calm everyone down in the end- that was just how it worked, it seemed. Of course, not all was perfect. They thought I wouldn't hear, naturally, but Watari hears all, and I heard the exchange come from behind me.

"This isn't over. Not by a long shot."

"You're on."

* * *

Holly: AAAAAAAAAAAND IT'S OVER.

Mello: You cheated on the ending.

L: Seriously. No one wins? That's almost as bad as having it be a tie.

Near: I liked it!

Mello&Matt&L: SHUT UP NEAR.

Near: ;w:

Matt: I NEVER GOT A NEW DS. D:

Holly: Review or I'll tell the raccoon Mafia where Matt lives.

Matt: NOOOOOOOO! I'LL PAY OFF MY HOUSE I SWEAR!


End file.
